How to work on insecurities in a relationship

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

how to work on insecurities in a relationship

Jan 16, While it's normal to feel anxious about dating someone new, in order to learn how to stop being insecure in a relationship, you need to be. Dec 8, It can be very hard to see the signs you're insecure in a relationship when of him or her having casual drinks with their coworkers after work?. Read about how to overcome insecurity and where it comes from. We may grow shy at a party, pull back from a relationship, project these For example, you may feel pretty confident at work but completely lost in your love life or vice versa.

You will end up spending your entire life hopelessly seeking the right lover and the right friends if you expect them to be perfect. You yourself are imperfect in many ways, and you seek out relationships with people who are imperfect in complementary ways.

how to work on insecurities in a relationship

Stop judging current relationships based on past ones. Think about those times when you passed an unfair judgment on someone merely because they reminded you of someone from your past who treated you poorly. Sadly, some people pass judgments like these throughout the entire duration of their long-term relationships.

Simply because they were once in a relationship with someone who was abusive, dishonest, or who left them, they respond defensively to everyone else who gets close to them, even though these new relationships have been nothing but kind and supportive. If you carry old bricks from the failed relationships of your past to your present relationships, you will build the same flawed structures that fell apart before.

So if you suspect that you have been making unfair comparisons between your present relationships and a negative one from the past, take a moment and consciously reflect on the hurtful qualities of this old, negative relationship, and then think of all the ways your present relationships differ. This small exercise will help you let go of the old bricks and remind you that past pains are not indicative of present possibilities. Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self-sabotage.

how to work on insecurities in a relationship

Too often we amuse ourselves with anxious predictions, deceive ourselves with negative thinking, and ultimately live in a state of hallucination about worst-case scenarios. We overlook everything but the plain, downright, simple, honest truth.

how to work on insecurities in a relationship

When you invent problems in your relationships, your relationships ultimately suffer. Insecurity is often the culprit. The insecure passenger does not trust anyone else to drive. They feel out of control. They imagine that the driver is not paying attention. Or they may even fantasize that the slight jolting of the driver stepping on the breaks is a sign of doom via an impending collision. Who's this other person they've mentioned?

how to work on insecurities in a relationship

Should I feel threatened? Are they less attentive? Why did they pause after I suggested we meet up?

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

Emma said she had often felt inadequate and "not good enough" to be with her current partner. She couldn't possibly understand what he could see in her. She also told me she had ended many previous relationships because of her insecurity.

But we all need the comforts and support that intimacy can bring us. So what can you do if insecurity is blighting your relationships? The insecure flyer will hear the normal mechanism of the air conditioning and twist it within their imagination to signify impending doom via crash and burn. They'll imagine the bored look on an air steward's face to be barely concealed terror because, "He must know something we don't! They scare themselves by assuming what they imagine represents reality.

There are normal 'mechanisms' to any relationship. There are ebbs and flows and mood changes, moments of intimacy and closeness and comfortable spaces.

Getting Over Relationship Insecurity | HuffPost Life

These ebbs and flows are normal. Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting an aeroplane to never make a sound or a movement. Next time you feel insecure, ask yourself what it is you are imagining.

Life Advice : How to Overcome Jealousy & Possessiveness

Write it down on paper under, 'Stuff I am making up in my head. Which neatly links to Save 2 Avoid the Certainty Trap Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling. This may sound strange, but feeling that: A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong. Having to know whether your partner really loves you, having to know this or having to know that puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship.

The fact is, we all have to live with uncertainty. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved. Wanting what is not possible complete and utter certainty in all and everything forever is not possible because imagination can still make up doubts. So stop looking for certainty where it doesn't apply.

Self-assurance comes from starting to relax with uncertainty. Wanting to know for certain that someone will be with you forever prevents you enjoying the here and now.

Nothing in life is certain. Your relationship needs room to breathe. Insecurity in Relationships Whether we are single, dating or in a serious, long-term relationship, there are many ways our critical inner voice can creep in to our romantic lives. Relationships, in particular, can stir up past hurts and experiences. Moreover, many of us harbor unconscious fears of intimacy. Listening to this inner critic can do serious damage to our interpersonal relationships.

It can cause us to feel desperate toward our partner or pull back when things start to get serious. It can exaggerate feelings of jealousy or possessiveness or leave us feeling rejected and unworthy.

Common critical inner voices we have toward ourselves about relationships include: She is too good for you. As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you. Once we have a better sense of where our insecurity comes from and the profound influence it is having on our lives, we can begin to challenge it. We can start by interrupting the critical inner voice process.

Robert Firestone to help people overcome their critical inner voice. There are five important steps to this process, which I will briefly outline. To learn about Voice Therapy in more depth click here.

Getting Over Relationship Insecurity

Step I The first step of Voice Therapy involves vocalizing your self-critical thoughts in the second person. You can also write down these thoughts. What is the matter with me? You will never be successful. This process can also be an emotional one, as saying these statements can bring up underlying feelings from the past. Step II In the second step, you can start to think and talk about the insights and reactions you have to exposing these mean thoughts.